There can be only one

This is the point that I think escapes people. When my mother died, what went with her was one of the two most important people in my life. For my entire life, my parents always said that the only ones I would be able to count on were my mother and my father. And, well, of course my brother. I remember my father saying this over and over again, even as I went into my twenties . . . my father constantly reminded me that the only people I would be able to truly and completely count on were my parents - my mother and father. So, the screwed up thing is that as much as I tried to not believe that, I did. I believed that my mother and father were always going to be there. That they would always be the two people who would pick up the pieces when they fell apart. That they would always be there to put me back together when I fell apart. Not that they ever really did . . . but, just knowing that I had them there in my corner (whether I believed that or not) always provided some sort of comfort. As I saw friends around me go through their parents divorcing, I took comfort in the fact that my parents stayed together - for better or worse. And believe me, there were times when all I wanted was for them to get divorced. Anyway, the point is that I was raised by a father who told me that he and my mother would always be there. But see, what he neglected to tell me were all the caveats. All the what ifs. All the possibilities of what could happen. So sure, you can say to yourself, well, gee . . . didn't it occur to you that you parents would die one day? Well, of course it did occur to me. Of course I knew that at some point in the far off future, my parents wouldn't be around. I didn't think that the natural flow of things would have a disruption. Never did I think I would have to deal with the death of my uncle (my mother's youngest brother) and maternal grandmother AFTER my mother died. Again, the natural flow of events was disrupted. At least in my world it was disrupted.

So, after my mother died, I've had some major milestones - I graduated from law school, my brother got married, my father re-married and I've moved into an incredible condo. I'm also about to embark on another journey, which is planning a wedding to the most incredible man I've known. And while it's awesome . . . again, my mother is not here to go through the process with me. Just as she wasn't here to see me graduate from law school and see my brother get married. I know that there are people in my life who will be more than happy and willing to help me plan my wedding . . . it's just not the same. And who knows how it would go if my mother helped me plan this wedding. But the fact remains that she would have been here to help or, at the very least, be part of the process dictating every little detail.

See, the point is that there is no substitute. There is no one who can take her place or even come close to it. And it's not that I want anyone to be able to do so, anyway. It's just the simple fact that a mother is like the swordsman out of "Highlander" - there can be only one. No one can come after. And those who try . . . not even close. I say this because this is what people need to remember. As far as mothers go - there is only one for every daughter. And when our mothers go . . . there is no replacing her. There is no substitute. There is no mother, per se. This is the daily struggle. The balance between embracing those who are here versus the one who isn't. If you aren't already, some day you'll walk in similar shoes as mine . . . and only then will you understand.

There can only be one.