So, it's a new year . . . not just 2009, but yesterday was Chinese New Year. And yet another event where my mother isn't here. Another year ticks by. When my mother was alive, Chinese New Year was her occasion. It was her time where she showed her appreciation to her employees, friends and family and hosted a party. It was a time when I saw just how rooted my mother was with the people in her life. Especially her family.
I recently thought that I am not nearly as tied in with my extended family (my mother's side of the family) as I once was. There was a time when my cousins and I would go on family vacations together, pick a location and meet up or something. But, there was more interaction when I was younger. Now, I know part of the distance occurred as a result of my first marriage. My mother made it very clear that I was more than welcome to family events, but my ex-husband was not. Well, I was married . . . I certainly wasn't to leave him behind. He was my family, too. But, that choice I had to make has had lasting consequences. Even to today.
But now, as part of my stepping into a new year, especially the Year of the Ox (as that's my Chinese sign), I've decided that it's time to start taking back people, places or whatever that I allowed others to take. It's time to re-assert myself. It is what my mother would want . . . it is what she would expect. She would expect that I pick myself up by the bootstraps and be an adult and take action. Become more involved with my cousins. Become more of a participant even with my father and brother. And then go out into the world and take back the places I stopped going to because of falling outs with this person or that person. But, I digress, as the more important thing is to re-insert myself into my own family. A group of people who have always been a part of my life until my mother drew her line in the sand. It's time to shed whatever insecurities I had stemming from being isolated from my family.
So, I've started taking the steps necessary. In fact, the start, which was just reaching out with more than just an email has already taken place. When I got engaged, I called my aunt to let her know and one of my cousins. I then proceeded to email all the rest of my cousins to let them know as well. As this past Christmas and Chinese New Year's approached, I sat down and wrote an email to all wishing them well. At some point, making over 10 phone calls can be overwhelming. But, the point remains is that I am no longer just sitting by wondering why I haven't heard from this person or that person. I will reach out. What happens from there I at least won't be questioning my inaction. It's a start though, and it feels right.
It's time. It's time to re-establish the family ties that bind as I begin a time of starting my own family.
