What's in a name

Ma.
Mommy.
Momma.
Mom.
Mother.

So many ways in which we address our mother. Clearly, I have not used any of those titles since September 11, 2000.

Earlier in my present relationship, the choices were pretty simple as to how I would address my other half's parents - Mr and Mrs or first names. I still hesitated with that because his parents and I never really had a conversation about how I would address them. I'll never know whether it just didn't bother them or they didn't find the need to bring it up in conversation, but I don't recall ever hearing about the fact that I didn't call them anything. In fact, it was my other half who would tease me every now and then about the fact that I wasn't really calling them anything.

So now, for just shy of six months, I've been struggling with how to address my other half's folks. My other half has brought it up more than once, his mother has jokingly brought it up ("You have to call me something!?") and his father and I have talked about it twice. I told my other half that I just don't know what I feel comfortable with. I laughed when his mother made her passing comment/joke. And with his father, I expressed a little about how I wasn't sure what to call them, and he said to just use what felt comfortable - first names, Mom/Dad, whatever.

It's understandable, to everyone, as to why I have difficulty with the use of a maternal address. I saw it as a betrayal to my mother to address someone else with a maternal address because she isn't here to give her opinion or thoughts. And, really, I just didn't know how to reconcile that in my mind. Also, I have never seen my mother address anyone other than her own mother with a maternal address. Then again, I never saw her interact with my father's stepmother. Ever.

I struggled with the paternal address, because, well, my father is still alive. I don't want to hurt his feelings or insult him by using a father-like term for someone else. So, you see . . . I was in quite a predicament.

But, then I thought about it and had a breakthrough this past weekend - Mom and Pop. When my mother was alive, I usually called her Ma. And Pop works because I've never addressed my father directly or indirectly as Pop. So, these two addresses are, in fact, unique to my other half's parents and for me as well. It doesn't insult my own parents and after trying it out this weekend, it feels natural. Pop definitely felt comfortable and lo and behold, when I used Mom, I wasn't struck by lightning or something overly-exaggerated that I thought would happen. And to see the reaction from both of them . . . I knew I made the right decision.

I am grateful and appreciative that my other half, his mother and father handled and approached the predicament I was in with humor, compassion and patience. And, to be honest, I don't think my mother would feel betrayed by my decision or the slightest bit dismayed. In fact, I know she would be smiling knowing how deliberate I was with my decision with regard to my other half's parents . . . a decision that may have been taken lighter were I not my mother's daughter.

UPDATE to "Hold my hand"

I received the results of my mammogram. Thankfully, there are no signs of cancer. Huge sighs of relief were exhaled. Honestly, this is one area in which I want to be nothing like my mother. I don't want cancer. I don't want to have an abbreviated life. I don't want to suffer as I saw her suffer. I hate to sound selfish . . . but, I want that part of my life to be the polar opposite of my mother's.

Another Like Mother, Like Daughter

For as long as I can remember, my mother wore glasses. She tried the contacts thing when I first got contacts (as did my brother), but she didn't last long. Apparently she couldn't get past the "sticking her finger in her eye" thing. I remember I would giggle watching her try with all her might to put her contact lenses in. So, she pretty much stuck with glasses. I can't tell you how many pairs she had . . . one for when she did her hair and make up, one for when she was driving, one for when she was driving and it was sunny, one for when she was working. There were glasses everywhere. And, my mother looked so much better with her glasses than she did without her glasses.

Since I was around twelve years old, I've worn contact lenses. Since that time, I've probably owned two pairs of glasses, of which I've worn less than a handful of times and NOT likely worn in public. Every waking (and sleeping) moment, I had my contacts in my eyes. I couldn't imagine wearing glasses professionally as my mother did, let alone socially, as my mother did. I didn't think it really suited me.

Now, guess who has glasses? Yes, that would be me. Fancy shmancy new glasses. And, actually, I LOVE them. I picked them up yesterday and was like a kid in a candy shop. I kid you not. First, let me say, this is the first time I have ever been excited about a pair of glasses. EVER. Second, these are the coolest glasses I've ever had. Why, you may be wondering . . . Well, let's see, I went all out for these glasses which means they have transition lenses, ultra-thin lenses (well, as thin as you can get with my prescription, but still incredibly thin!), scratch-resistant lenses (that came with a certificate of authenticity?!) and anti-glare coverage. Wow - that was quite a mouthful. And honestly, my eyes are soooo happy that I don't have my contacts in right now. In fact, I haven't had my contacts in since yesterday afternoon. I can't tell you the last time I did that!

So, yes I am wearing my glasses professionally and socially. Hmmm . . . sounds like my mother. But, my glasses are a little hipper than hers. I guess in some ways, it's not such a bad thing to be like my mom, huh?

PS. The contacts are NOT retired!