Here’s the entry that I was trying to avoid. I’ve spent countless sitdowns in front of my computer trying to avoid this very post . . . but I find it is impossible, so I better just grab it by the horns and just write.
Awesome news – yes, as we all know, the love of my life proposed to me on January 9, 2009. And I could not have been happier. In fact, what a great thing that our family and close friends were just as happy. Ok, maybe not as happy as we were, but happy nonetheless. To know that being his wife is literally the next step – makes me breathless.
Not so awesome news – I’m not sure how I feel about planning this incredible event with the absence of my mother. I know milestone events in life should not and cannot be avoided. And I know I should soak up every milestone moment regardless of who is present and who is not. Because, really, those who are not of this world anymore as with us . . . at least, that’s what I choose to believe. Yet, there is a difference between the actual being here and idea of being here. It is the actual NOT being here that I struggle with now that I am engaged.
For our own reasons, there is a desire for a proper Church wedding . . . whether it’s because it is the “right” thing to do or that I want the memory of my father walking me down the aisle, there are reasons for a Church wedding followed by a reception. However, when I picture it, someone is missing . . . clearly, that someone is my mother. She won’t be at the wedding and she won’t be with me every step of the way as I look for a dress, decide on flowers or even think about colors. See, I always thought when I got married (again), my mother would be an active participant with the planning, etc.
It’s not that I don’t have women in my life who would be more than happy to help. In fact, my aunt, my mother’s youngest sister, has already offered to help me plan. And I know that all it would take is a phone call with a simple request. But this just seems like one of those things where I would want my mommy, so to speak. I know reality, though. My mother is not here and there will be a Church wedding. So now the task becomes embracing the event and all that it entails myself along with asking and accepting help along the way.
Awesome news – yes, as we all know, the love of my life proposed to me on January 9, 2009. And I could not have been happier. In fact, what a great thing that our family and close friends were just as happy. Ok, maybe not as happy as we were, but happy nonetheless. To know that being his wife is literally the next step – makes me breathless.
Not so awesome news – I’m not sure how I feel about planning this incredible event with the absence of my mother. I know milestone events in life should not and cannot be avoided. And I know I should soak up every milestone moment regardless of who is present and who is not. Because, really, those who are not of this world anymore as with us . . . at least, that’s what I choose to believe. Yet, there is a difference between the actual being here and idea of being here. It is the actual NOT being here that I struggle with now that I am engaged.
For our own reasons, there is a desire for a proper Church wedding . . . whether it’s because it is the “right” thing to do or that I want the memory of my father walking me down the aisle, there are reasons for a Church wedding followed by a reception. However, when I picture it, someone is missing . . . clearly, that someone is my mother. She won’t be at the wedding and she won’t be with me every step of the way as I look for a dress, decide on flowers or even think about colors. See, I always thought when I got married (again), my mother would be an active participant with the planning, etc.
It’s not that I don’t have women in my life who would be more than happy to help. In fact, my aunt, my mother’s youngest sister, has already offered to help me plan. And I know that all it would take is a phone call with a simple request. But this just seems like one of those things where I would want my mommy, so to speak. I know reality, though. My mother is not here and there will be a Church wedding. So now the task becomes embracing the event and all that it entails myself along with asking and accepting help along the way.
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