Reconnecting

Ever since my mother passed away, I have not been as connected to family as I once was. Granted there have been many events that have taken place in which I created self-imposed disconnect, but it became even more evident what I was doing when my mother passed away. When family gatherings came up, I conveniently had other plans. It wasn't because I didn't want to see my aunts, uncles and cousins. It couldn't be more the opposite than that. For me, I was at a point in my life where being amongst my family made it even more obvious to me that I was there without my mother. It made me feel empty, jealous and lonely.

Now, I feel differently about seeing my family. Being with my other half's family has helped me come to a place where I want to see my family more. I have so enjoyed spending time with his mother and father, with his sister, her husband and nephew and with some of his extended family. Being with them reminds me of what family gatherings once were in my family.

This Easter will be the first time I have made a plan to see my aunt and uncle. And I couldn't be more excited about that! I have been at other family events since my mother's passing and quite honestly, I had an anxiety attack (or something that resembled one) each and every time. It got so bad for me that I went back to just begging off invitations to see family for one reason or another. Now, as I feel more settled in my own life and with my own feelings, I fully believe that I am ready to spend the time with my family that I have missed. Easter cannot come soon enough.

It's taken some time . . . but as the old saying goes, better late than never.