The Nuts and Bolts - Why? Who? How?

Why am I doing this? Because it's healing. Because it brings the cycle full circle. Because I want to. Because I'm ready. It's hard enough to deal with the death of a parent. What makes it harder is that unless you've actually experienced the death of your mother you have no idea what it is like. And even if you experienced the loss of a parent, you can only sympathize. There are far too many factors that affect how a person reacts, handles and lives in the aftermath where another individual could actually empathize with how I felt and still feel with respect to my mother's death. So if no one other than me ever lays eyes on this particular blog . . . I'm okay with that because this is for me more than anyone else to help me down the road of healing and recovering.

Who? Well, it is my mother who this revolves around. And it is about and for me as well. Anyone else who comes along for the ride is more than welcome.

How? It was November 22, 2000 when I received the phone call from my father and brother. We all knew it was coming, however, we, or maybe just I, thought that it wouldn't happen until after the holidays. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer less than 8 months before she passed. She went over a year undiagnosed - one doctor thought it was TB, another thought acid reflux, etc. No one ever thought to look for lung cancer - she didn't smoke. Nor was she around people who do smoke. After she was properly diagnosed, I think it was already Stage II or III. Immediately my mother started chemo/radiation . . . it was heart-wrenching to watch her go through those processes. After her first round, the doctors were relieved because it seemed as though she was doing fine. Then . . . my mother started saying how her bones were hurting and it hurt for her to walk. Yeah, you guessed it - the cancer had spread to her bones. This is never a good thing. By the time she went in for x-rays, the cancer had spread to her brain. That was, literally, the kiss of death. In less than 3 months, my mother died peacefully in our home.

Why? It is almost eight years later and I find that I am at a point where I want to talk about her more. Where I want to share my mommy-and-me stories. Where I want to celebrate my mother.

So, Mom - this is for you.